Talk Show- Harnessing the Power of Gender Neutrality

Episode 2: Defining Sacrifices Beyond Gender

"She" Netflix movie, Woman's Discovery

She, the Netflix movie by Imtiyaz Ali

The name caught my attention and I thought of watching the episodes

The character portrayed in the movie is of a woman with different forms and roles that she is forced to exhibit based on the situation. The difference is in her ability to discover various facets of life and those who can’t was her compulsions.

Many women discover themselves the life’s situations force them. It becomes a newer way of life.

There is a woman

There is committed police staff

There is a simple girl who has gone through child abuse

There is a revengeful side of her for the life that she is forced to live in a myopic society

There is a desire to have sex yet confused about it

Discovering her sexuality beyond forceful experience

This movie brings out another dimension of every woman having the simplicity to sensuality. Most of the time, especially countries like India, It is denied due to social & cultural norms of perception of a woman, categorised based on the exterior appearance etc. In some women, it Is shunned by herself because of life's negative experiences that are unassuming and culturally suppressed.

She as a movie brigs out many ways in which a woman is trying to explore her own self. Typical syndrome of a woman working in the price department but prefers to work behind the desk. Today also many police stations women either are working behind the desk or they are provided with those responsibilities.

However, as the plot gets more intense and a woman is cornered the real self comes out. Recognition and inner fight with the self-image while comparing with her sister comes out. As the fight ends she finds the answer and before that the answers are provided by everyone else except her. The journey of her finding the answer is tough yet adventures.

Tribhaga Movie-Choices women make

Tribhanga, the latest movie by By Renuka Shahane. If you remember Renuka Shahane has been a very well known person for some qualitative TV programmes, roles of substance and quality storylines. Looking at the cast of the movie, written by Renuka Shahane attracted me to watch the movie to understand what message Renuka Shahane wants to give out. Tribhanga is a story of three women from different generations, mother, daughter and granddaughter.

Each is depicted with different life journey and their responses and reactions to the challenges faced by them. Each of them was right in their own way yet it stirred life of the next generation. Nayan, Mother the passionate writer wants to dedicate her life for writing. She rebels against the traditional family structure and leaves to find her calling along with her two children. That was her response to life and her choices.

Nayan’s choices and decision affect daughter Anurdha’s life including the sexual molestation and domestic violence she experiences at a young age. She rebels to define her life’s journey & becomes a different person. An accomplished dancer and actor. In personal life an abrasive woman, living life on her terms.

Anuradha’s choices and decisions of living life on her terms stir the life of granddaughter of Nayan and daughter of Anuradha. The granddaughter Masha makes a choice of finding a family of the patriarchal model. Full family, caring, protection, elderly controlling the life of youngsters, traditions, rituals etc.

Anuradha brings up her daughter with a lot of care & protection. Masha makes choices exactly opposite to the choices made by mother and grandmother and she has her own reasons why she made those choices. She also has her own reasons where she blames her mother for the life she went through when she was small.

Each woman responds to life as per her experiences and her ability to get out of it, have different experiences which make her believe in her life and comforts her. I appreciate the depth of the thought process of Ranuka ji, there is nothing right and wrong there is nothing bad or good. I think the time has come for women to choose their family type. Some women would prefer the patriarchal family, for protection & care, some women would prefer to live life without a socially defined relationship with a man like the matriarchal family. Some women may just decide to pursue their own passion and profession for what they believe is the only way to fulfil their life.

This gives a bigger perspective on the futuristic society where men and woman will have their own choices to live their life without getting entangled into social pressure. This also brings a change in society to accept and embrace their choices so that they are able to live for what they believe is their right to live with happiness and dignity.

Overrated professionalism

The most overrated concept of men and women being strong with inner strength and happiness is directly linked to the exterior part of their life. Person’s job, related success, skills and ability to survive in a work environment is not the parameter to conclude his/her success in life. There are many men and women behind the cover of their professional attire suffering from humiliation, victims of either getting attacked or attacking others to bleed them. The work and work-related success mostly is a way of escaping from such life. The success on the job, being workaholic and wearing some other mask is a mechanism to counter the life's challenges that are not being able to resolve. At times it’s labelled and concluded especially amongst the educated world, how an educated and professionally successful person can not handle the situation in personal life? will this person be able to execute job well? That’s the biggest mistake we do when we judge people based on what they achieve in office. We ignore them. Every successful person and skilled person can also be suffering from depression, anxiety, fear and lack of understanding of life. That needs some kind of attention and help but one is not able to take such help or support because of t
he image he/she carries within the organisation. They have to put up with the same drama for the sake of people around, job security, fear of losing the position or peer acceptance. This is a never-ending vicious circle for them. As a Foundation, we come across many of such people who are caught up in such cross identity issues. They are Managers, HODs, Entrepreneurs, Police Officers, Women Executives etc. superficially it looks they are suffering from some kind of issues in life but when we see the deep down we experience that they are suffering from the crisis of life. childhood trauma, loneliness, lack of love, the burden of life's challenges, facing the issues of their own expectations from life, unable to balance the personal and professional world, caught up in relationship issues, unable to live life with freedom and more. Many a time these are phases of life which corner them to be what they are in their personal life. Society, Corporates and organisations have to look at them with compassion and care. Everyone needs dialogue and a hand to come back, bounce back or to face the reality so someone can help them with a mirror. We always tell our clients that don't assume a person based on his/her professional success and if you get a person who is successful in the job yet unsuccessful in personal life, need help and support then with a high level of confidentiality and dignity. Help a person come out of the crisis without him/her feeling fear of loss of identity, job, image or prospects. We also tell the concerned person to separate professional image and attached pride and accept that you are another human being who can suffer from the blows of life and need help. You can not be a winner all over sometimes you need someone to guide you in spite of you being theoretically knowledgeable about it. When reality is faced by anyone its difficult to translate theory and information into practice. It needs a lot of patience with self and daily routine. you need someone to constantly have a dialogue with you. We tell organisations to create such dialogue champions or outsource where they can speak up confidentially. Let there not be any person lonely inside and successful outside. Like Employee support program please create Executive Support Program. Need not be published in the organisation but shared as information to any new/Existing executive to know where to turn when there is an internal conflict. Poornam Foundation has been working on these areas since 2012. While working with police and during the research, we stumbled upon such cases to realise that top 20% of the society suffering different way then the middle 60% of the society then the bottom 20% of the society. 

The Women Harassement view - Women Only

Women harassment is not limited to particular section of the society or mindsets but it can happen from anyone and from anybody. There are men involved in the harassment are men from lower category, men who are in to a position of Head of the department or CEOs, men who are spiritual Gurus and men who have been a protector once upon a time.  It makes me believe is there a specific pattern or type in which we can frame a harasser but every time the answer comes no.  In my so many years of experience of managing the DV cases, Harassement cases or women in Distress, being a Gender Researcher, I Have noticed that every case has different reasons and triggers. If one was with vulnerability, then second is with needs, third with ignorance, fourth was with hopes, fifth with emotional instability, sixth is due to lack of self respect and many more so it reveals that every woman goes through harassment with different triggers however the reason for a man to harass a woman is majorly if his ego is hurt or his lust. Man doesn't have many reasons to harass a woman. If its frustration and bodily need its rape, rape with mutual consent. Harassment when a woman is looked as an object either beautiful and desirable to be used and ugly or not wanted when the same woman is not fitting into the demands or frame of such men.
Many men have various images of women how they should be and what should they be doing without considering woman's choice. This is a cultural issue with us. Women get pulled into such acts of men because of their versatility and wanting to be connected with people. The relationship building, compassion, vulnerability, creativity etc. makes a woman emotional which if not managed properly are used by men who are predators for their purpose. Its not about men but about women and how with awareness they are able to manage their emotional journey in every stage of life. 

Interesting Dialogues..Your Anklets

I was in a training and one male participant just asked me why should woman wear an anklets ? why not come to office without any accessories? Its distracting. When a woman walks around it makes sound and it takes away the focus. We come here to work and not to hear the noise while she is walking. I was just observing his irritation and how much annoyed he was with the entire episode.

I said did you tell her? He said yes I told her but she started crying. She also told me that I am looking at her feet. I smiled and said yes she will cry and feel bad naturally. The anklets are part of regular attire, part of her being associated with something auspicious especially in our country. Scientifically its proven that Indian accessories of women are designed to give various health benefits.

A scientific reason given for wearing anklets is that by wearing the anklets, one's energy is not wasted but re-vibrated back to one's own body. Also, since the woman wears a lot of gold jewellery in any Hindu religion, a lot of electrical currents are produced in the body. To counter these currents and to keep the positive energy flowing in the body, the practice of wearing Silver anklets was established.

The sensitivities of understanding and accepting opposite Gender especially in the Indian context is very much important. We are from different backgrounds, cultures, values, and our upbringing is completely depend on the traditional age old ways of living life passed on to us. The Gender sensitivity is observed in day to life and in smaller interactions. It's not about bigger stories.