Overrated professionalism

The most overrated concept of men and women being strong with inner strength and happiness is directly linked to the exterior part of their life. Person’s job, related success, skills and ability to survive in a work environment is not the parameter to conclude his/her success in life. There are many men and women behind the cover of their professional attire suffering from humiliation, victims of either getting attacked or attacking others to bleed them. The work and work-related success mostly is a way of escaping from such life. The success on the job, being workaholic and wearing some other mask is a mechanism to counter the life's challenges that are not being able to resolve. At times it’s labelled and concluded especially amongst the educated world, how an educated and professionally successful person can not handle the situation in personal life? will this person be able to execute job well? That’s the biggest mistake we do when we judge people based on what they achieve in office. We ignore them. Every successful person and skilled person can also be suffering from depression, anxiety, fear and lack of understanding of life. That needs some kind of attention and help but one is not able to take such help or support because of t
he image he/she carries within the organisation. They have to put up with the same drama for the sake of people around, job security, fear of losing the position or peer acceptance. This is a never-ending vicious circle for them. As a Foundation, we come across many of such people who are caught up in such cross identity issues. They are Managers, HODs, Entrepreneurs, Police Officers, Women Executives etc. superficially it looks they are suffering from some kind of issues in life but when we see the deep down we experience that they are suffering from the crisis of life. childhood trauma, loneliness, lack of love, the burden of life's challenges, facing the issues of their own expectations from life, unable to balance the personal and professional world, caught up in relationship issues, unable to live life with freedom and more. Many a time these are phases of life which corner them to be what they are in their personal life. Society, Corporates and organisations have to look at them with compassion and care. Everyone needs dialogue and a hand to come back, bounce back or to face the reality so someone can help them with a mirror. We always tell our clients that don't assume a person based on his/her professional success and if you get a person who is successful in the job yet unsuccessful in personal life, need help and support then with a high level of confidentiality and dignity. Help a person come out of the crisis without him/her feeling fear of loss of identity, job, image or prospects. We also tell the concerned person to separate professional image and attached pride and accept that you are another human being who can suffer from the blows of life and need help. You can not be a winner all over sometimes you need someone to guide you in spite of you being theoretically knowledgeable about it. When reality is faced by anyone its difficult to translate theory and information into practice. It needs a lot of patience with self and daily routine. you need someone to constantly have a dialogue with you. We tell organisations to create such dialogue champions or outsource where they can speak up confidentially. Let there not be any person lonely inside and successful outside. Like Employee support program please create Executive Support Program. Need not be published in the organisation but shared as information to any new/Existing executive to know where to turn when there is an internal conflict. Poornam Foundation has been working on these areas since 2012. While working with police and during the research, we stumbled upon such cases to realise that top 20% of the society suffering different way then the middle 60% of the society then the bottom 20% of the society. 

The Women Harassement view - Women Only

Women harassment is not limited to particular section of the society or mindsets but it can happen from anyone and from anybody. There are men involved in the harassment are men from lower category, men who are in to a position of Head of the department or CEOs, men who are spiritual Gurus and men who have been a protector once upon a time.  It makes me believe is there a specific pattern or type in which we can frame a harasser but every time the answer comes no.  In my so many years of experience of managing the DV cases, Harassement cases or women in Distress, being a Gender Researcher, I Have noticed that every case has different reasons and triggers. If one was with vulnerability, then second is with needs, third with ignorance, fourth was with hopes, fifth with emotional instability, sixth is due to lack of self respect and many more so it reveals that every woman goes through harassment with different triggers however the reason for a man to harass a woman is majorly if his ego is hurt or his lust. Man doesn't have many reasons to harass a woman. If its frustration and bodily need its rape, rape with mutual consent. Harassment when a woman is looked as an object either beautiful and desirable to be used and ugly or not wanted when the same woman is not fitting into the demands or frame of such men.
Many men have various images of women how they should be and what should they be doing without considering woman's choice. This is a cultural issue with us. Women get pulled into such acts of men because of their versatility and wanting to be connected with people. The relationship building, compassion, vulnerability, creativity etc. makes a woman emotional which if not managed properly are used by men who are predators for their purpose. Its not about men but about women and how with awareness they are able to manage their emotional journey in every stage of life. 

Interesting Dialogues..Your Anklets

I was in a training and one male participant just asked me why should woman wear an anklets ? why not come to office without any accessories? Its distracting. When a woman walks around it makes sound and it takes away the focus. We come here to work and not to hear the noise while she is walking. I was just observing his irritation and how much annoyed he was with the entire episode.

I said did you tell her? He said yes I told her but she started crying. She also told me that I am looking at her feet. I smiled and said yes she will cry and feel bad naturally. The anklets are part of regular attire, part of her being associated with something auspicious especially in our country. Scientifically its proven that Indian accessories of women are designed to give various health benefits.

A scientific reason given for wearing anklets is that by wearing the anklets, one's energy is not wasted but re-vibrated back to one's own body. Also, since the woman wears a lot of gold jewellery in any Hindu religion, a lot of electrical currents are produced in the body. To counter these currents and to keep the positive energy flowing in the body, the practice of wearing Silver anklets was established.

The sensitivities of understanding and accepting opposite Gender especially in the Indian context is very much important. We are from different backgrounds, cultures, values, and our upbringing is completely depend on the traditional age old ways of living life passed on to us. The Gender sensitivity is observed in day to life and in smaller interactions. It's not about bigger stories.  

Courtesan and Wife or Public woman and Domestic woman

I was in a meeting and someone just told me, now days women are freely moving around, working, taking up jobs, independent and are financially self sufficient. Do you think that is the reason why many extra marital affairs have increased? And I was in a shock state not knowing what to say.

This person is attaching the extra marital affair with the woman's freedom to wok. The society hasn't changed, it's the same but only new lifestyle has come. I was trying to relate his statement to what he must have learnt in his growing age.

Its an indication of him learning that women who sit at home are good women and in control and women who go out are not so good and not in control. In my research I traced back the history of women in India from 1700 BC but beyond vedic references.

During those days in the society the Public Women and Domestic Women were different . The public women were the keepers of Art, Culture and Religion whereas domestic women were the keepers of Family, Lineage and children. The Law of Manu reveals the basis of domestic woman's stature in a male-dominated society: "He who carefully guards his wife, preserves (the purity of) his offspring, virtuous conduct, his family, himself, and his (means of acquiring) merit"(dharma)!

Whereas the public woman was supported by the elites of .the society and the government as integral and important part of the social structure. However, most respected and supported were the Ganika.

In our history specific San- skrit terms were used to highlight distinctions between these women. 
The exceptionally civilized public woman, proficient in arts and endowed with winsome qualities, is called a ganikd. 
A Vesya or specifically a woman called a Rupafivd, is a prostitute, ranked below the ganikd, whose artistic talents she does not possess. A very low- grade prostitute (a "whore") is a Pumscali, and a prostitute who is a slave is Dasi, such as a kumbhaddsi, a "pots-and-pans" prostitute consigned to the most menial of tasks. A temple dancer, or religious courtesan, is called a devaddsi.

This indicates that women in public were used for the sexual gratification, those were educated lot with expertise in various skills, remember the movie Utsav in which Rekha acted. So there was a general division of women from Public and women from House, The public one are unchaste and one from the house are chaste by the protection of the Man which considers the protection of the offsprings and lineages. However, this structure changed in colonial and post colonial era and the respect of Public women disappeared. Their glory went away. Also women from Home too became worse due to having a limited role with lack of education right from the start.

The society today has changed and the same woman can be public woman and a house woman. Man wants her to fulfill both the roles effectively, yet he is not able to accept her fully. However, the choice of a woman is bigger than what man wants from her is the need of an hour. today.
The potential and capacity of a woman with her ability to be a keeper of Art, Culture, Religion, House, Family, Lineage and offsprings is unthinkable. Today many women are doing it but I think this age old perception of inside and outside woman is still creating a damage for the choices she is making for herself. The question is who designed PUBLIC AND DOMESTIC WOMEN categories? by binding them into some role that's being then supported by the men in power. The power is taken over by women today, yes when power comes the responsibility too increases. Those are the dynamics of power.

Men have to accept women as they are and allow the freedom and choices they are making for themselves. The debate is not about whether that society was good or this ? its about women were out into the role that was beneficial for the society. Today also everyone is talking about the same.

Male birds are beautiful then Female birds...

 There is something very unique in the world of birds. Male birds are beautiful, they are able to bring out beauty by way of showing off their colours, dance, beautiful sounds they make and keep doing this for long. All this for what for a female bird who is not as beautiful as them. However it s an effort to win over her. In the world of bird species or non bird species the fights and wars and possessions have been over the female species. There are two ways the male can conquer a woman one by way of fighting for her or wooing her. This brings out a very good analogy in the typical world of male and female world then those who are not fighting for the woman or not wooing that female then what are they doing ? Look at the world today there are hardly any opportunities to fight for the women. We are no more warriors. We have designated warriors who fight for the territory we call them armed forces or men in uniform. Then there are men inside the territory who are looking mixing around with women and are beautiful and charming like a Male birds but they have nothing to wooo about because the society has been created in such a way that female are supposed to meet males at certain age and make family. The only thing then that remains for them is to choose the female. Here the difference is that the females are chosen by the looks and beauty first, then the worth education culture family and status and then if nothing is possible then go for anything that connects you.
The quality of a man to achieve and conquer has lost. There are less challenges and opportunities. The white collar man thinks he is working, earning and socialising is the way he is conquering. It's not conquering but living in a world which is already stabilized.


Yet the primary desire to achieve and conquer doesn't go away then it gets transferred into various acts that are risky, violence, Inflated ego , unreasonable demands and illusionary macho man image formation . There is a continuous studies going on on this subject across all fields of human psychology. It's difficult for a man to keep his status compared to woman. There is not much has changed for a woman except addition in her work but for a man it is the same and challenges to fit into the social framework which is changing and confusing is difficult. There is a requirement of lot of awareness and education around the fluctuating social identity.

Why don't you flow ....its your nature

One can flow within and outside. In the connectedness of surroundings with awareness when flowing happens it brings joy. This joy is of knowing and accepting everything. Good & Bad, Beautiful & Ugly, Sad & Happy & so on.. nothing matters except temporary expressions arising out of it with knowing the vastness of being into it. Life looks more like an engagement while you are flowing..you are everyday engaging yourself into something knowingly but you are not attached to it. As you are flowing your engagement and events associated to it are taking place in its own rhythm and space. This flow guides your engagements, drive your events and makes you feel you are bigger than them. Everything is changing coming and going but you are flowing…there is stillness in your flow because you are connected to the bigger space, universe, nature, inconsistency, your own vibrations, experiences…. it’s a parallel force that flows within you..

Feminine Wisdom -Flow of Energy

Feminine Wisdom is nothing more than listening to our inner voice, be ye man or woman. The Goddess energy is very powerful now and it is time that we utilize this energy to improve our lives. Everyone (this includes men) is comprised of male and female energy and until balance is achieved, one side will dominate. Male energy is on the right side of our bodies and is represented by the sun. It is electric, active, and giving. Female energy is on our left side and is represented by the moon. It is magnetic, receptive, and creative. Concepts or ideas are conceived on the female side and brought to fruition - into the physical world - by our male side.

The Goddess energy has been suppressed on this planet for eons. Over time women have been treated as property, second class citizens and have been abused physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Gloria Stienman's push for equality of the sexes has propelled women forward in the work place, politically, and allowed for women to experience greater freedom in general but a disservice was also done. Some women who chose to stay home and raise their family felt inept because they were not contributing to society. Women burned bras, wore pants, became workaholics, all to prove that they were as worthy as men. In reality what happened is that many women embraced their male energy while suppressing their female energy.

Women used to outlive men by eight years because men had the "stressful jobs" but now we have almost caught up because stress-related disorders are on the rise for women. Wow, we really showed them didn't we? I have been watching the Goddess energy awaken and have found it very fascinating. "New age" and the secular world have begun to develop and facilitate classes, workshops, support groups all for women. Women over 40, women who have been abused, women who have an eating disorder, women who are indigent and the list goes on and on. I am not against the support that is being given, I just feel that we missed the bigger picture and I would call that picture Feminine Wisdom.

Feminine Wisdom is the allowing of the feminine energy to flow freely through our being and to be expressed in whatever manner it chooses. This means that men and women should be permitted to base decisions on intuition alone. Individuals who have jobs that require them to make quick decisions often go by what their "gut" tells them because sometimes you can not have all of the facts - they are using their intuition. I feel that intuition should be used and accepted in the workplace.

Feminine Wisdom to me also encompasses compassion, empathy and nurturing qualities. These are traits that men and women both share. Unfortunately our male energy has a way of making these qualities seem unimportant. Most work environments do not support the feminine energy, but the time has come for that to change. I believe that when we all embrace the Goddess within, our entire world will transform for the better. I know so many women and men who have embraced their feminine side and I admire each of them.

The world admired Princess Di and Mother Theresa - why? For the very qualities I listed above. They embodied their female side and allowed the energy to flow out of their male side to accomplish world work. People to this day toss flowers on memorials to Princess Di and shrines have been built, but this is not using wisdom. What should be done is the continuance of Di's and Mother Theresa's work with the poor, homeless and afflicted. Workshops and classes need to be directed to both men and women. People need to learn that embracing one's feminine side does not make one a wimp or weakling. Our feminine side is very strong - this is how the Goddess has been able to tolerate the neglect she has received for the last few centuries.

Our world requires change if it is going to survive. I am talking about the planet herself and also mankind. The destitute conditions of our planet and our intolerance of one another are sure signs that the time has arrived for each of use to embrace our Goddess within.